Good people need to recognize their acceptance of bias

(Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash)

A couple of weeks ago, a woman I’d never heard of said on the radio that the people who were committing violence under the auspices of protest weren’t “n-words” but was it okay to say they were acting “n-word-ly.”

Apparently in her version of reality, a “n-word” exists. To her, a “n-word” is associated with violence against other humans and destruction of property. It exemplifies disorder and criminality and danger. “N-words” are people to be scared of. They’re also black (I won’t presume her stance on correlation vs. causation).

I’d argue that if she truly believes this, she likely navigates…

Image by René Schindler from Pixabay

What I Learned About Adverse Childhood Experiences

There’s an episode of the Showtime series Shameless where Carl Gallagher is trying to get into West Point, but his grades aren’t good enough. His girlfriend suggests that he apply for an ACE exemption.

She explains that the academy reserves spots for applicants who have suffered childhood trauma — or Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE).

The scene took some liberties, but it got a lot right. ACE classifications stemmed from a study conducted by healthcare giant Kaiser Permanente in the 1990s, and its finding came to be accepted by the CDC. …

Everything about the timing was right for me to ask Maggie the question. We had been together almost three years. Living together had been the last big step — it took a bed bug scare for her to finally ditch the apartment in Brooklyn where she’d lived since college. It should have been an easy move — half of her stuff was at my place anyway. But half of mine was at hers as well.

When we first started dating we were both experimenting. She admitted to me six months in that I was the exact opposite of her type…

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

I caught myself being a bad human the other day. I was walking to a lunch spot a block away from my office. When I got to the door I looked inside and saw one of my coworkers waiting for her order.

We’ve worked together a couple of years. But we don’t know each other well and have very little in common. My mind immediately went to the meaningless small talk we’d struggle to make while we both waited. And when she got her order were we walking back together? Were we not walking back together?

It was all too…


Last summer my friend Rachel brought me to a wedding where I knew no one. I’d barely even heard of anyone who would be there. So even as I agreed, I ran through the scenarios where Rachel would disappear for a few minutes and leave me to make conversation with a table of strangers.

It’s a real fear. I think it’s called FOTTAR. Fear of Talking To Absolute Randos.

Even at a wedding. The type of event where everyone is happy and drinking and — for the most part — open to conversation with people you’ve known for mere moments…


“We should hike,” she said from behind her laptop. It was the first she had spoken two hours. Since she’d asked me if the bathroom trash needed emptying. Before heading out in the hallway to the chute with the kitchen trash.

“This weekend,” she said more definitively than asking.

Our relationship was bad right now. We didn’t fight. We more avoided each other. Avoided the circumstances that would lead to either of us walking away mad. Unfortunately that included talking. And in my case disagreeing with her suggestions.

That weekend we drove up to Croton Point. In one direction was…

Patriarchy much?

I just heard that the Emmys weren’t woke.

Word on the street is that the Emmys weren’t woke. I’ll admit it — that news nearly made me spit out my Pumpkin Spice Latte. What in the holy hell?

An award show that hands out accolades to shows with androids and dragons simply didn’t give enough air time to the social and political crises that we as Americans face every day?

That’s like a Martha barking out orders like she’s an Aunt, amirite? Not under his eye, sister.

Colin Jost and Michael Che — the hosts of this year’s broadcast — are known for their snarky commentary on social…

Photo courtesy Pixabay

The Night My Mom Brought Us a Fake Pizza

“You shouldn’t just make people if you’re going to abandon them. Because then they think they’ve done something wrong their whole lives.” — Alyssa to her father, “The End of the F***ing World” 2017

My mom had just brought us a fake pizza. Not a knock-off frozen pizza from the supermarket. Not pizza rolls or pizza from a school cafeteria. This was a different animal. A paper thin that was crunchy and cracker-like. It was random in shape and kinda reminded me of the state of Texas. It was covered in a sauce that was rusty in color and tasted…

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

I remember every time I’ve been rejected. Every. Single. Time.

I remember the girlfriend who started dating my friend without ever officially breaking up with me. Actually she still hasn’t. Hit me up, if you’re reading this Nancy.

I remember the waitress at a bar who asked me to hang out after her shift ended, but then changed her mind and left with another guy.

I remember when a consulting gig fell through and I spent months trying to find a new job — filing away waves of daily emails telling me I just wasn’t a match.

And I remember…

Christopher Daniels (Notorious DCI)

I’m writing on WordPress now at And feel free to check out my stuff at

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store